music ramble schizophrenic tech



all caps when you spell the man’s name

music ramble schizophrenic tech

suburban war

This wall is not for the communicative!

And why color shift?

there’s a lot to take in here about my experiences with The Suburbs by Arcade Fire. i think you’d call it a synchronous artwork, as there were many different projects surrounding the album. i’m gonna briefly write about two of these, alongside the album itself, then i might discuss some of the existential horror i feel about suburbs.

Moving Past the Feeling: A Decade in The Suburbs | by Alex Chocholko |  Medium

i actually borrowed this album from the local library in Kävlinge, and i got pretty obsessed with it. it was so different from anything i had listened to before (swedish pop and the beatles), i really enjoyed it.

The Suburbs is the first concept album i might’ve ever listened to, or at least the first concept album that made a big enough impression on ~10 year old me to still linger after almost a decade. it’s one of my favorite albums, and while that is mostly because of nostalgic bias i think it’s still warranted. everything is subjective, but i would like to think there is some objective truth to it being an honest to god excellent album.

just the title track alone is a great expression of the teenage interpretation of the american life in a suburb. the modern millennial living in the american dream is further explored in other tracks, such as “Modern Man” and “City with No Children” (which are both excellent tracks), but i would like to focus on titles such as the title track below, “Suburban War”, and “Wasted Hours” when i discuss the suburban horror

the wilderness downtown was one of the first ones i really remember, it was actually it that brought me into arcade fire and the suburbs with it’s accompanying music track “We Used to Wait”.

i mentioned before how i enjoyed internet experiences a lot, that’s what internet should be about. that’s what you did in school when you were bored, just adventuring and browsing an almost indefinite amount of small interactive worlds.

it might just be the communist inside me who’s talking. can’t really put to words how i feel about how commercialized the internet has become.

a short movie, featuring music from “The Suburbs”

early millennials are very much influenced by the cold war and the economic disasters that struck them during their adulthood, i think it’s very much why they are like they are today (broken and annoying)

this movie has some very interesting scenes, i think the entirety of The Suburbs experience is played out in some alternative history world where-in the cold war actually broke out into full-on war. this would explain much of the background shit that happens in this short film, as well as many of the recurring motifs in The Suburbs (war, bombs and the like). it is also possible that those are just metaphors to broken friendships, while the movie just takes it a bit more literal. i still find it fascinating, and it’s an interesting supplement to the album.

there is one tumblr post i saw a couple of years back that summarize the feelings i have about suburbs. it explains very much the nihilistic viewpoint i have about it in the form of a short slice of life story.

nothing in suburbs feels real, shit like this story happens all the time in a constant cycle and it doesn’t matter at all. some people are born in it, grown up in it and died in it, and their life was in the grander scheme totally meaningless. the suburbs are isolated and empty, draining all life that might exist. all you can do is escape from it, that’s the only way out from it.

the suburbs doesn’t only kill life, it turns life into total mediocrity. you read the text and you realize how average all the characters are, and they seem to not grasp that. it’s what they are comfortable with. these events seem to constantly happen in some suburban families, can you imagine the mental torment it must be to live like this? how do you survive?

i know how bad my wording might sound, after rereading the text i realize that it really seems like i am looking down at these people… that’s not something i want to do. it’s not the people that live in the suburbs that i dislike, it’s the suburbs. it’s the suburbs. it’s the suburbs. it is a place devoid of meaning and life.

i am deadly afraid of my life turning mediocre, i don’t want the suburban life. it’s hard to make a direct comparison between american and swedish suburban living, but sweden is well-known for it’s isolated living. the difference is that the picketed fences that separate gardens and families aren’t physical, they are totally hidden to the eye to the average swede.

[21:54] : 
have you read about the “fun pizza”
it’s suburban psychological horror
[21:54] : 
[21:56] :
i hate it so much
i get cold sweats from reading it
anxiety grows in my stomach
[21:57] : 
Oh yeah I know that
[21:58] : 
i feel sick
[21:58] : 
its great isn’t it
its vault-tec level
[21:58] : 
suburban psychological horror, i hate it i hate it i hate it
[21:59] : 
honestly tho, fruits bop
it’s not the fun pizza that horrifies me
it’s everything else in the story
the fun pizza is just a sympton of something even more dreadful
the promise of the white suburban family life is a lie
it’s rotten to the core
american suburbia is a literal hell
i dread it, literally one of my worst fears
imagine living in a small suburban home surrounded for miles by other completely identical homes all owned by middle class office workers
your wife is neurotic, you are an alcoholic
you both hate each other, but stay because of the kids
the kids are doing ok in school, average grades
the neighbors having it a tiny bit better, which is always why every night there is a fight
about how neighbors are going to slightly more prestigious place for a vacation
and you need to one up them in a passive-aggressive way
it’s the mediocrity of it all that breaks me
nothing of it matters
no ups, no downs
it doesn’t matter
its a life free of consequences
devoid of choice
ramble schizophrenic tech


Recover Files…

the less known alternative shot of the classic windows xp wallpaper

this is a continuation from the post a couple of days ago about the infinite universes. there’s a cool internet experience that i enjoy.

internet should be filled with things such as these. would you call it an esoteric experience? unsure… i think esoteric is a good word to describe it, but there are probably better. it has a cultist-like kind of a vibe, but is grounded in mathematics (i guess)

more of internet should be like this, like i said.. less trash!!!!

good riddance

ramble tech

decried deceitful december decadence dreams

Ashes to ashes, funk to funky. We know Major Tom’s a junkie.

yes it’s been truly horrible these past few weeks

from business in software reports and assignments every week to totally neglecting mathematical statistics i’m happy to announce that i released my first game since 2018. it’s playable at NEWGROUNDS and it’s one of the minigames in the arcade. very happy to be able to finish it, even if it took some crunch (polish game devs got nothing on me)

other than that, i am now 21 years old which doesn’t really matter much because the age to buy alcohol here is 20 so not much to celebrate in that regard hehe

oh yeah the consultant project flopped, so that’s great. and i also got a job at arm for the summer. very happy, hell yeah.

ramble tech

november plans

I cut the brakes on this car. Bye bye, nagging wife!

these are my november plans

  • mathematical statistics
    • do weekly assignments
    • attend labs
    • exam
  • business in software
    • attend weekly seminars
    • project
    • assignment
  • automatic control
    • do weekly assignments
    • finish lab 3
    • exam
  • newgrounds christmas collab minigame submission
  • consultant work (if it goes through)

gotta be honest. i hope the client for the consultant work completely diss us. i don’t have a lot of experience with react native, and i will not have time with much else if i have to do it by my own…

dreams ramble tech


from the roof top~somewhere in silence[sniper’s theme]

i’m still itching for creating some kind of a game, i had last year a will to create something akin to LSD: Dream Simulator, but top-down and showcasing my dreams instead.

a common thing brought up in my dreams would be trains and subways, so they would be in the middle of the game i thought about, connecting everything. you’d start there, and if you wanted to randomly go to another “dream” you would just go back there and take a train. sometimes it could interrupt and a random event would happen during the train ride, or that was the thought at least.

i never came too far with that game idea, mostly because of i wasn’t sure how the random generation of “dream maps” would work out… it’s always the little things that just kill all progress and will for me.

i’ve always thought that if i could work together with someone else i would have enough incentive to work… don’t really have the will to work on my own without a deadline and what not. as soon as i meet an obstacle, i’d turn right around and give up. it sucks.


in any case, i’ve had these spurs of need to create something big, multiple times and i’ve yet to actually to anything in the wake of these needs

i had another one just recently, but much smaller in scope. i thought that everything would be easier if i got GameMaker Studio 2, but that piece of shit costs like $80, and if i want to compile to HTMLwhatever so i can upload it on NewGrounds, that would be over a $100 bucks more and that’s just insane. so i cracked it.

i like to think that i’m a pretty smart dude, i’m pretty good and clean on the internet. i know what’s sketchy and not, and i don’t download mp3- and mkv-files ending with a .exe…….. yet i might’ve “”accidentally”” downloaded a trojan now >:)), or at least if i can trust Windows Defender. the crack works, let me just tell you that, and it seems it is pretty well-rated on the sketchy-ass forum i downloaded it from… and the author of the crack sounds veeerryyyyy reassuring when he says “it’s not a virus, just a false positive guys!”. yeah… i still got almost a heart attack. i’m so stupid.

anyway… this piece of shit software wasn’t even worth it. i am pretty sure i could do much the same thing in the old GameMaker Studio 1.4 anyway and i own that LEGALLY. another pseudo mind-obstacle that will make me turn around and walk straight the way back home

whatever, peace out fool

ramble tech


Understanding the Atom_OLD

we’re finally here one billion, six-hundred million seconds since the 1st of january 1970 ( i like to call it M̿D̿C̿ as i mentioned before ) of course this event is useless in a cultural sense but is based on much about the same amount of science as any other time measurement epoch turn of the century-thingy

interesting facts:

we passed 1 billion seconds on the 9th september 2001
it is only 400.000.000 seconds left until we achieve a total of 2 billion in unix time, this will be on around 03:30 am (UTC) on the 18th of may 2033 … wow!

UNIX time runs in a signed 32 bit register, that’s a lot of possible seconds

on the 7th february 2036 NTP time will overflow (it is based on seconds since 1st of january 1900 and is unsigned!!!), leading to a new epoch in the NTPv4 protocol! don’t worry, they have another 32 bits for epochs..

32-bit unix, on the other hand, will overflow around 2 years afterwards

64-bit unix is unreasonable and will only overflow after the year

ramble tech

soulbound adblock

Samsung Recalls Top-Load Washing Machines Due to Risk of Impact Injuries

for almost a decade and several smartphone models i have not received much more than a handful of ads on youtube durin small short periods of days from what i can recall so how did i achieve this? did i download a jailbroken youtoube-app? did i block google’s ad-services on my router’s firewall? no i am simply extremely lucky

i’ve tried multiple times to solve this mystery, testing out multiple theories and hypothesis for reasons behind this very convenient existence but i have yet to find the cause as neither mobile phone, internet service provider, apps, nor settings changed my “blessing”

google services and products

i am very lucky, a glitch in google’s system as somehow in the cogwheels of the over-engineered ecology of services and products made by the de-facto umbrella company of the western software conglomerate alphabet i am allowed to exist without much of a cent generated in google adsense

a glitch in the system

the following are the undoubted facts regarding this “issue” of mine:

  • i have owned a multiple of different phones. nokia, windows phones and a couple of LG phones running android. none of them had ads on youtube
  • the way of communication through the internet does not matter as my phones have been connected to several different routers and even to 3G and 4G internet without any advertisements while watching videos
  • i’ve quite literally been across the globe and surfed through channels while travelling in japan and had NO ads
  • it’s not my account, neither while logged in nor logged out i still receive no pre-rolls.
  • my phones have never been jailbroken or tampered with, neither do i install cracked apps or other services onto them, never
  • i do now have an adblocker on all my browsers but that should not change how the youtube-application run and server ads, do also recall that i’ve used other phones without the means to install and use adblock-plugins on my mobile browser and still receive nothing

i have to come clean and actually say that i’ve also google’d this and found no other individual who experience the same things while browsing youtube, i have been just a tad bit scared of looking it up too often in case google would catch my search and fix what seem like an issue on their end…….

i forgot to mention another very inconvenient truth that is that all googles services and products are made by soulless software developers trying to get a promotion by creating a new chat service when there’s already a thousand of those already on google as they are incentivized not to work on already existing applications but create a completely new one and just dump it into the endless depthless and totally shit sea to get a promotion in a company were overqualified workers can wait 7+ years with no promotion in sight

sorry for that ramble, what might just be really happening is that some algorithm/ai online on google’s platform handpicked me to be the special one, i have no other hypothesis, it must truly just be an act of a similar-to-god agent

ramble tech

raspberry π

The Return of the Ogre

i’ve been thinking long and hard about how to preserve the CULTURE of the dormitory there used to be books and photo albums that previous students wrote in and added photos (we’re talking during the 90’s) but as we’ve moved from analog to digital there’s no physical media for us to easily preserve everything is in our phones and laptops isolated and later removed we thought about getting a polaroid camera but that is costly and the risk of it going unused is large

however, instead of trying to fight how we preserve media and go back to books and albums, why not have a digital archive?

Raspberry Pi - Wikipedia

a raspberry pi with a large enough memory card is a perfect way to preserve media it could easily handle a local server with wordpress and every member in the corridor get their own user account it’s like a collaborative photo album but with many more features as long as they share the same network (the router in the common room) they can log in, view content and upload images

it could totally flop, and backups might be needed to preserve all content… we’ll see it’s a fun hobby project nonetheless and might have some positive effects

ramble tech

the future is now p2

Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto

like the pesky insects in the anthill and the neurons in our brain the more connections there are in a system the more complex and lifelike it becomes i read a theory some time ago about the ocean being an organism of its own with it’s diverse ever-expanding marine life somewhat similar to us with our billions of cells and bacteria if we’re are self-aware couldn’t the seabed be too? that of course depends on how self-awareness came to be as it could just as likely (if not more) to be an evolutionary trait of social primates

why be aware of yourself if it is not because of others in your vicinity

Thom Yorke of Radiohead

can’t computers achieve the same complexity? with enough transistors or enough nodes in a neural network maybe they could if we go with the hypothesis of the complexity of a system being the sole reason behind self-awareness

if it is an evolutionary step for a social being, then we’d have to rethink how our neural networks (NN) propagate instead of an algorithm choosing the most suitable NN to propagate through mitosis (a watered down summary of an approach to evolving NN) we’d have to make the NNs to choose their own partners to propagate with it would be necessary for a successful NN to not only choose the correct partner but also show off their positive traits for their future lineage to survive and in that way trigger a social evolution (this approach would not be applicable to normal computers, which are mostly static)

you are correct in thinking that i am getting a bit carried away with the self-aware computer discussion similar to a pothead at a party jabbing about the meaning of life in reality it would probably not matter if a computer is aware of itself or not (how hard would it be to program a computer with a webcam to recognize itself in a mirror to pass the test?)

if an agent acts and respond to inputs as being self-aware, why would it matter if it's not